Under Surveillance 6
Up the Bum Stuff
Please see chapter 5 here first.
Our bellies were full, and that overwhelming fatigue quickly set in. We drifted half-asleep to our room, just as the other recruits did. Our meal had been a blur, with little to no conversation.
As soon as we got into the room, we locked the door and both slipped into Logan’s bed in our jocks.
We faced each other, and I could tell he felt as awkward as I felt. I had one arm under the pillow, reaching under him, and my other reaching across to hold his hand.
I was so tired I could barely speak, but I had something I needed to say that was bothering me.
“I have to tell you something. I’m starting to freak out a little bit.” I watched the wall, as if the answers to how I wanted this to go might be written there, so I could read them with detachment and not have to think anymore about what we were doing.
He propped himself up, eyes drooping, but searching mine for clues. “In what way? About being in bed together? Or about the up the bum stuff?”
I managed a smile. “I feel conflicted in a way I’ve never felt before. My parents have been so supportive and proud of everything I’ve done. This, what you and I are doing, will break them. They can’t ever know.”
As soon as I got the words out, I turned slightly to face the ceiling, waiting for Logan’s judgment.
I could feel his stare, those blue eyes reading me while I avoided eye contact.
It was so quiet in the room I could hear his breathing, like it was weighing my words carefully. Somewhere in the distance, I heard the thrum of electronics and the occasional person talking.
“I know what you mean. I told you how religious my parents are, right? Growing up, everything was measured against whether I’d upset God and the fear of the day I’d die because there’d be a judgment. My parents would rather die than face me with…”
I turned to look at him. There was a different kind of look in his eyes that I had never seen before. I waited and hoped he’d say more, but he didn’t.
We lay there, our bodies and minds begging for sleep, but my anxiety overruled until I made sense of it all.
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